


More Than Skin Deep

by xela413



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anorexia, Arranged Marriage, Child Abuse, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Shared Skin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:27:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28972080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xela413/pseuds/xela413
Summary: AU in which everyone shares skin with their soulmate(s). The story of how Sirius Black finds his way forward when all he's known in his life are lies and abuse. How will his soulmates help him to see he is more than the heir to his house? How will he learn that you're not supposed to hate yourself for existing?*Slow Burn*
Relationships: Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Mary Macdonald/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Remus Lupin/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/Marlene McKinnon
Comments: 18
Kudos: 27





	1. Going to School

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is a Soulmate AU fic. It's starting in their first year but I plan to carry it through to adulthood so it should be a fun ride.

Sirius had been nervous to attend Hogwarts. There was so much he had to live up to. His father had been captain of the Slytherin quidditch team by his sixth year. His entire family had been sorted into Slytherin going back over 200 years. Then there was the expectation that he was to be at the top of his class in every subject at all times. His parents had been having he and his brother tutored since he could remember. A thing which would continue over all school breaks in order to assure that he stayed ahead. It is no surprise that by the time he arrived on the platform he was a nervous wreck.  
Sirius looked around, hands shaking uncontrollably from nerves. He had taken his potion, he shouldn’t be shaking like this. Yet his hands continued shaking. He couldn’t even hide them in his sleeves as his robes were perfectly tailored for him despite his smaller than average stature looking more like a nine year old than someone who was about to turn twelve in two months. He tried taking a few deep breaths his long hair pulled back with a green ribbon, his parents assuming he would be sorted into Slytherin as the rest of them had been. They had been socializing with the Lestrange’s which had given him a moment to panic without their constantly scrutinizing eyes cast upon him. He saw them start to turn back to him and he gripped the cart which carried his things trying to disguise his failure to control himself.  
His mother walked over and pulled him close, painfully holding the back of his neck as she spoke to him what must look to anyone else like a mother saying goodbye to her oldest son. 

“You best not embarrass us or you know what will happen. You think you’ve known punishment but you haven’t even seen the beginning if you bring shame upon this house.” 

“Of course, Mother. I will make you proud.” He nodded having full intention of carrying out what he said.

“That’s a good boy. Get on the train. We shall see you at the holidays.”

She released him and that was it. For the first time in his life he was at least somewhat free. He boarded the train, his bags following him going into an empty compartment hoping for some peace and quiet until he got to school and the whole awful game of pretending would begin again. He needed to get put in Slytherin and he didn’t even know how to ensure that he achieved his goal. He looked wide eyed as after only a few moments of quiet two boys came in laughing and carrying their things and throwing them up in the shelving.

“Sorry, mate. Hope you don’t mind there were no other carriages with two open seats.” He smiled as he and his friend sat across from him. “I’m James. That’s Peter.” He held out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”  
Sirius took his hand and tentatively shook it. He was still a bit shaky. “I’m Sirius Black.” He said knowing if he didn’t say his name clearly he’d be punished. He couldn’t be sure who his parents knew. Minutes after that another boy entered, he had curly sandy blonde hair, olive skin and freckles over his nose and cheeks. 

He’s cute. Sirius thought for a moment before pushing the thought down deep. His parents would pick his wife. A woman suited to continuing the Black name, whose blood was pure. He’d never met any of these children which meant they weren’t sacred. He wasn’t supposed to be interacting with anyone who wasn’t sacred.

“Hey there are no more open seats. You mind?” The cute boy said.

“Of course.” Sirius moved his bag and dug his nails into his hand trying to stay calm.

“I’m Remus.” He offered his hand which Sirius took.

“Sirius Black.” He tried to figure out how to end all this as soon as possible as the other two boys got themselves acquainted.  
He had gotten the beginning of a plan together when they began talking about something he just couldn’t ignore.

“Are you blokes excited to finally find your soulmates? Sharing skin starts this year.”

Sirius froze. “What?”

James gave him a confused look. “Soulmates? Everyone finally finds the one person which they are meant to spend their life with. You begin to share your skin. You begin to feel a muted version of what they feel, you get any new scars they get, any tattoos, even writing on your skin with ink will appear on the other person. My parents say it’s magical. They found each other their first year. Peter nodded along with James. 

Remus nodded “My mother said losing my father felt as though she were dying. In the moment she wanted it all to end just from the severity of the loss.” He gave a shy smile. “She’s actually met someone else since then. Not a soulmate but someone else who makes her happy, another muggle. They don’t share skin unless they have a soulmate who is a wizard. 

Sirius froze. “So you’re… a halfblood.” His voice was unsteady. He was going to be in such big trouble if his parents heard about this. He paused. “By the way soulmates aren’t real. They’re a fluke in magic.” He stated obviously before taking a book out of his bag to read not wanting to talk to these boys more than absolutely necessary. He watched James lean forward and half hide a crazy symbol giving him a weird look, but Sirius couldn’t care. He wasn’t supposed to be speaking to these boys. They were clearly from lower stock which explained why they believed in these fairytales. He just needed to get away from them and find the other kids he was supposed to be around. He couldn’t get punished again. He wasn’t sure he could handle it. He’d just need to keep himself on track. He’d spoken to someone of a lesser blood. He’d punish himself for it later that night.  
Sirius tried to keep his head down the rest of the ride, his nose in his book attempting to hide his face from anyone who passed. When the trolley passed with candy he didn’t look up despite his empty stomach. He hadn’t been fed for at least a day since his packing had been ruled insufficient and he had not started when his mother deemed it appropriate. He had tried to listen. He had only gotten distracted for a few minutes, but that was when his mother walked in. He knew better than trying to explain and so he accepted that he wouldn’t be eating the rest of the day. Now he had messed up again. He hoped his mother would at least be calmed by the fact that he had disciplined himself. He was unsure of if he could handle the pain again. He flinched lost in his thoughts before getting jarred by the train stopping. He tried to gather his things and make a break for it but there were too many students and in the end he was stuck with the same three boys. He was stuck with them on the boats and then still as they stood in a group waiting to be sorted. Sirius chanting, praying, hoping that he would be sorted into Slytherin.


	2. An Introduction to Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets sorted into his house, has to survive the feast and the tour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! So this story will minimally get a new chapter every Sunday. It will be a slow burn in some ways but there are some surprises coming up that I think everyone will enjoy.

Sirius was shaking again. He had been standing for a few minutes now and the lack of food combined with the nerves he was experiencing was apparently a bad combination. He needed to be put in Slytherin. His name was called before he was ready, he cursed the letter B for coming so early in the alphabet.  _ Please, just put me in Slytherin. _ He begged walking up the steps. He sat and the hat hadn’t been still a moment before it yelled,

“Gryffindor!”

Sirius' face went white. He was going to puke but he was empty. He looked around frazzled until a woman professor walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“This must be a mistake.” His voice was frantic.

“It’s not deary. Give it some time you’ll see.” Sirius was brought to the table and put down at a place setting for a meal which was not yet seen. There was no chance he would escape unpunished. He’d brought shame upon his house getting sorted into  _ Gryffindor.  _ He just wanted to stop existing. He dug his nails into the palm of his hand doing a poor job at keeping a level head instead he had tears sting his eyes as he tried to keep it together. He was stuck frozen and panicked. He couldn’t move. He could barely breathe. He didn’t know how to speak, this was all made worse by the fact that the boys he’d been on the train with were sitting next to and across from him along Marlene McKinnion who was of high enough blood status that Sirius knew her, at least to a small extent.

It had been the cute curly haired boy who first led them to him. Sirius could not understand. It’s not like he’d been nice on the train. Why was this boy sitting with him? Sirius knew it couldn’t be anything good. Maybe the half-blood knew who he was and wanted something. Who was he kidding? Everyone knew who he was. Sirius was trying to take deep breaths, his head swirling with panic. The ceremony faded from his mind. He needed to find an anchor but even his nails in his palm, which had now drawn blood, was a dulled sensation.

Then heat, Sirius flinched away nearly falling off the bench as the curly haired boy touched his arm.

“Don’t” He said, voice shaking.

Marlene and the one with the crazy hair were giving him dirty looks. Sirius just hung his head low, a few tears escaping.  _ Why was this happening? _ The cute boy reached out to touch his arm again and Sirius leaned away from his touch.

“Please just… dont… please” he was overwhelmed with despair unable to cope with everything that had happened today.

“Hey… Sirius…” the curly haired boy held up his hands in surrender. “I promise I won’t touch you but I am going to put food on your plate. You didn’t get anything on the train and you need to eat. Is there anything you want?” His voice was gentle and kind.

“Who the hell do you think you are? I’m not a child. I don’t need to be fed. I’m a Black! Not a bloody charity case.”

“Everyone knows who you are Sirius” Marlene drawled annoyed. “You don’t need to be that kid and keep saying it”

“I think I’m Remus Lupin.” He gave a small smile. “I don’t think you're a charity case. I think you need to eat. I don’t want you passing out while they show us around.”

“Why would you care?”

“I have my reasons but for now… let’s just say I don’t want our tour being derailed.” Remus put some roast beef, potatoes and peas on his plate. “You don’t need to eat all of it, but you have to eat some. I didn’t give you that much.”

Sirius did not have the energy to fight. He was just so tired. It felt like he was tired all of the time. He couldn’t handle arguing with this… Remus person whoever he was. So he took a piece of potato on his fork and slowly brought it to his lips. He truthfully thought he would be sick, overwhelmed by the flavor and the feeling of something in his stomach which had grown used to being empty. He took a breath. One bite of each thing. That had to count as some. The boy couldn’t keep harassing him if he had some of each thing on his plate. He cut the roast beef struggling and his tremors were still out of his control to the point where he whispered a spell to cut it so he didn’t have to make a fool of himself. Slowly he picked up a small bite of the meat and put it between his lips. He wanted to hurl but he managed to take a bite of the peas too before setting down his fork. He could feel the eyes on him but he was too tired to care.

“I’m full.” He mumbled quietly keeping his eyes downcast. He felt overwhelmed and his hands had never stopped twitching and shaking despite his best efforts. He needed a potion from his trunk. It always calmed the shaking. Mum had always made him take it if they were going out in public. He wondered why she didn’t make him take one before getting on the train. She did that at times to show that without her he would crumble. On the days when he had been the most defiant… after not eating for a day and being thoroughly punished… she’d leave him in his room without the potion which he depended on. Those days were some of the worst. His muscles would spasm painfully as he tried to just sleep through it. He couldn’t leave his room on those days, for that would be evidence of what his parents had done. He just hoped his mother would continue sending him the potion he needed despite his failure.

Soon they were being led up to their house by a ginger woman, Molly Prewett. She was put together with a sixth year girl and gave them the tour with the other prefect Arthur Weasley. It was a shame they seemed to be dating because the Prewetts were just less important members of the sacreds. The Weasleys’ were blood traitors. He just wanted to be in bed. His muscles were starting to cramp from shaking and it hurt. He was keeping a straight face though trying to hide that his arms were starting to cramp. He’d been shaking for so long his back hurt as well. Maybe they would have a shower he’d be able to use before bed, if he could even manage to stay up that long, maybe just a heating spell on his blanket and one of his mother’s potions. Just something to soothe the shaking.

Soon they were brought to the Gryffindor common room. The password was remembrall. He’d need to remember.  _ Fuck. _ Everything was so foggy. He was so tired. He knew he’d be hearing from his mother tomorrow.

As they were sorted into rooms he could have thrown a fit as he was placed with the boys from the train. His roommates for the whole year would be James Potter, Peter Pettagrew and Remus Lupin. Remus was cute but even that was dangerous. His entire situation might get him killed. They had their spare and Regulus was so much better at everything than he was. This was supposed to be a better place and yet it was so much worse. As they walked to their room the other boys chatting away, Sirius’ eyes were fixed on his feet. He got into the room, went into his trunk taking out the potion and downing it in one gulp. He was pretty sure James said something but he really didn’t hear anything anymore.

“I just need to go to bed.” He mumbled, climbing into the bed and spelling his curtains shut. He took a breath and cast the warming spell on his blanket hoping it would help his cramped muscles. He curled up and it all just finally rushed out. He grabbed his wand and cast a quick silencing charm which he’d used a million times before the sobs overwhelmed him. He fell asleep, tears still streaming down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Your comments and kudos honestly mean the world to me. I so appreciate anyone reading my work. There is a lot of world development coming and we haven't met our entire cast yet. I do have a Spotify playlist for Sirius which I will be adding to as I work on the story. So if anyone is interested in that I could link it next chapter. I have a lot planned for all of you. Lots of love <3 ~Alex


	3. A Letter From Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After yesterday's debacle, Sirius get a letter from his mother, then gets help from an unexpected source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this! Thank you to everyone who reads my work.

Sirius woke up the next morning sore and achy. It had been months since he’d had an episode that bad. He groaned as he remembered his situation and the inevitable consequences that were to come. If he were being completely honest, there was a part of him that feared for his life if anything else were to go wrong. He didn’t want to be the disappointment, and yet he somehow always was.

He forced himself to take a few deep breaths as images of his punishments overwhelmed him. He pushed it to the back of his mind before drawing the curtains. He went to his trunk and took out his robes; all of them were new and fit him perfectly, yet they felt alien. Sirius never felt truly comfortable dressing in the clothes his parents chose for him, but it was not his role to question them. He sighed and walked to the bathroom turning on the shower. He slowly undressed from his sleep clothes. He looked down at himself, his body littered with scars from various punishments. Most of them were on his thighs where no one would see, clear and organized lines a punishment for disgracing his blood. The minor offences. He didn’t want to think about the consequences for the larger offences. He took another breath trying to control his thoughts he was shaking again. He needed to take another dose of the potion. He wished the shaking would go away but he knew it never would. He’d seen his mother give the potion to his father as well.

He focused on getting clean. If he couldn’t feel like Sirius Orion Black the third, he’d have to pretend. He couldn’t get caught being weak, they’d crucio him for sure without any chance for explanation. He’d already brought enough shame onto the house. He squeezed his eyes shut.  _ Deep breath. _ He took a shaky breath as he washed his long hair. It went down to his shoulders and it was one feature he liked about himself. He took another breath as he rinsed the soap from it and conditioned. He could do this. He would at least need to put food on his plate so Remus didn’t bother him today but maybe he could get out lunch and dinner. He hoped the professors would assign work. The less time he could spend with the people in his house the better. Maybe this was all a big mistake somehow. Sirius finished rinsing his hair and turned off the shower. He dried off and dressed. He looked in the mirror, the clothes seeming wrong but he let his hair stay down, putting a hair tie on his wrist.

He walked into the room happy everyone else was asleep. He looked out the window and realized that the sun was just now coming up. He sighed pocketing a pepper-up potion happy his mother had given him everything he could need. He just wanted his parents to be pleased with him. Maybe he could write them and they could get his house changed, but then he’d have to face how royally he’d screwed up and he was unsure he could face that.

He gathered everything he needed and headed to the Great Hall. If he was there when his roommates arrived he could claim to have already eaten. He walked through the halls happy for the quiet. He sat at the end of the table letting the goblet fill with coffee he had some berries as well needing to not faint. So long as he didn’t faint he was fine. He needed this. Needed control over  _ something _ . He had started reading his Charms book when a letter fell on top of it. The letter was written in his mother’s script:

_ Sirius Orion Black III, _

_ You are a complete disappointment. You have ruined 200 years of family tradition. Are you trying to bring shame onto our house? We shall deal with your punishment when you arrive home for winter holiday. Inform your father or I if you require additional gold or potions. We can’t have you looking like a commoner. Remember your place boy and let’s hope you do no further damage to the house this semester. You know the consequences. _

_ ~Walburga Black  _

Sirius couldn’t breathe again. His hands shook as he held the paper tears dripping down onto it. He needed to leave the Great Hall. Needed to find somewhere he could collect himself. He gathered his things quickly before walking out of the hall with his head down brushing quickly past his roommates. They called out to him but he couldn’t respond without bursting into tears completely.

He soon found his way to a nook hidden behind a tapestry. He’d discovered them in his readings about the castle growing up. There were in truth many secluded spots throughout the castle, all of which he planned on learning. Once safely inside he cast a silencing spell and let his tears begin to fall, it was only then that the fabric moved and Narcissa walked in.

His cousin was a beautiful girl in many ways petite in stature and yet she carried herself as if she was six feet tall. She was the perfect Black woman, committed to her arranged marriage, smart but humble, getting good marks but not gaining so much praise as to detract from her future husband. She had been held up to him as everything he was supposed to be.

Sirius jumped back trying to rapidly wipe his eyes and compose himself his shaking and ticks becoming more pronounced from the fear. 

“Please…” He begged “Don’t tell my parents”

Narcissa came over and wrapped her arms around him. Something which Sirius had not been prepared for. “Shhhh….” She played with his hair gently. “I’m here to help.” Her voice was soft and almost soothing. “You looked so frightened and like you were spinning out so I came to help.” She cupped his face feeling how he spasmed in her arms. “Drink some of this. It will take the edge off.” She said passing him a flask.

“Why…” He took a staggered breath trying to collect himself. “Why are you doing this?” He accepted the container and sipped coughing from the contents. “Is that alcohol?” He was very confused.

Narcissa looked at him and took a breath. “You need help… You can’t do this alone. Plus even if you could… it’s not pleasant.” She took a sip from the flask herself. “I know what your parents do. Mine always told me about it to make me feel like I had it easy. They only crucioed me when I did something truly awful, unlike yours… I’m sorry you had to go through that.” She looked down. “That you still have to go through it.” She gave him back the flask. “I don’t have the convulsions nearly as bad as you do, probably because I’ve had less exposure but alcohol can soothe the ticks. At least it can some of the time. Plus people are less weird about it than a homebrew potion…” 

Sirius nodded trying to take everything in. “So… You’re not the perfect Black? What about you and Lucius?” He was very confused. “I thought you loved him and the house and all the things were supposed to love”

Narcissa laughed, “Lucius is useful when I want something. Like these unending flasks. He got me like 10 because I asked and made out with him. I let him feel like the one in control. Honestly, I usually try to be drunk when I see him.” She said with a small smile. “But that is between us.”

Sirius was trying to wrap his head around everything which was happening. He couldn’t help but feeling that everything was a bit lighter knowing he wasn't alone. He wasn’t the only one who didn’t fit in the role he was supposed to play. “If you don’t love Lucius, do you love someone else?”

Narcissa smiled and blushed. “My soulmate… Mary Macdonald'' She paused for one moment face serious. “For the record if you tell anyone any of this I’ll say it's not true and find a way to take you down”

Sirius nodded. “That’s fair. I thought soulmates were just a trick of magic.” Narcissa shrugged. “I always thought so too until Mary. She is a year behind me but ever since we started talking… I’ve known she’s it for me.” Narcissa smiled.

“But what are you going to do about the marriage?”

She sighed wearily. “I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m going to fix it but I will.” She shrugged. “I have three years of freedom. “Lucius graduated last year so I have a bit of time without him over my shoulder.” She gave him a small smile. “I should get back before anyone knows I’m gone.” She handed him the flask and a pastry which he hadn't noticed. “Take care of yourself Siri. I’m sure we’ll find time to talk again soon.” With that she walked out of the small nook and back to the Great Hall.

Sirius accepted the new items nodding trying to figure out what in the hell had just happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all amazing! Thank you for reading my work. I adore comments and read all of them usually more than once. I just love hearing thoughts about my work. The link to my playlist for Sirius is below. It will grow and evolve as he does and songs will be added and may be removed. Hope you enjoy it. <3
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5tt7wwoBoTAyJvakLLqHFc


	4. Finding Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gains a friend in an unexpected person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Sorry for the delay! Enjoy the chapter. More details at the end of the chapter as to what's been going on.

Sirius tried to process what just happened. Why had Narcissa been so kind to him? Why had she given him this. He took a sip of the liquid before coughing furiously. He'd had some alcohol before, wine served with important family dinners. This he had a feeling was fire whiskey and he understood why as he felt it burn as he swallowed. It filled him with warmth when it reached his stomach. He wasn’t sure if it was a good warmth but he’d take anything to help the shaking especially if it meant not having to ask his mother for extra potion. He nibbled on the croissant Narcissa handed him. She had done him a kindness the least he could do was eat what she’d given him.

Sirius had been planning to fast again but knew it was rude to refuse to eat what was given, especially when given by somebody who outranked him. Narcissa definitely outranked him. He’d decided to eat the flaky pastry. He took small bites, not being able to eat too quickly without upsetting his stomach.

Sirius never returned to the Great Hall. Instead he proceeded to his potions class. He wandered slowly trying to figure out where to go without anyone showing him only eventually learning when a prefect found him and showed him the way. His stomach dropped when he walked in and saw the only seat remaining. It was next to James Potter. Sirius wanted to curl up and die right then. He moved and slowly shifted to sit next to him. James turned and faced him, a determined look on his face. 

“Look Remus is the nicest person I know, so he might not say this, but if you keep up with all this blood purity stuff we are going to have a problem.” His tone was clearly threatening “Do you even get how utterly disgusting it is that you wouldn’t let someone who wanted to help you touch you?”

Sirius shook like a leaf, the boy was smaller than James and was already so tired. “I don’t understand how you allow it. You’re a pureblood. I mean not  _ sacred _ but still… Wouldn’t your parents punish you?” He was truly confused, sipping from the flask which in truth looked like a water bottle. 

“No? What? That’s ridiculous. Getting punished for not being rude.” James gave him a strange look. “Dude are you okay? You’re shaking a lot.”

“It’s not rude to make sure people remember their place.” He was dripping with sincerity. He looked down at his trembling hands. “I’m a screw up. My parents try to help. I get punished to teach me.”

“What the hell do they do to you?” James asked fear in his voice finally seeing the sad desperate boy under all of the ingrained racism.

“Cruciatus…” He admitted. “I’m sure you don’t believe me…” He sighed feeling overwhelmingly exhausted. He faced forward as the lecture started. “No one ever does.”

James was silent through the entire lecture not saying a word. He thought Sirius was a screw up too. Who could blame him? But the fact that everyone who he told the truth to thought he was a liar made his eyes sting with unshed tears. At the end of the class James reached over and took his hand which still trembled. He gently massaged the muscles. “I believe you”

“You what?” Sirius pulled his hand away slowly after a moment. “I’m not used to that… Being believed. Or touch… We don’t do that in my family.” He laughed. “I think the most my parents touch me is when they hit me.”

“Why are you laughing?” James said in awe, feeling an overwhelming sadness for the boy in front of him. “The things you're saying are not okay Sirius.” 

Sirius shut his mouth. 

“No.” His voice had a firmness to it, a level of control. “I mean they’re okay to say but it’s not okay that it is happening.” He took a breath. “We are going to need to work on how you treat people though okay? In our house you will get yourself into a fight. I just need you to trust me.”

“How do I do that? Trust you. How do I know you’re not sent by my parents testing my loyalty.”

James eyes went wide once again. “First thing - it is fucked that they would do something like that. Second thing is that trusting me will be hard at first but you are the first Black in Gryffindor that I know of… So I’m guessing you’re already in trouble.”

“You don’t understand. They can just kill me.” They had moved to conversing quietly in the hallway.

“Holy Fuck” He murmured. “They can’t yet. Your brother is too young. If they kill you now they have nothing to leverage against your brother. Right now they can threaten murder against each because of the other. If they get pregnant then we worry about that. Okay?”

Sirius took his first deep breath in the hour. “Okay. I will trust you.”

“Okay. I’m gonna hold your hand. Most boys don’t but I think it’s important to start to get you used to touch.” James gently reached for his hand taking it in his own. What the two did not see was the red head and Remus behind them looking at them jealously.

Sirius smiled. “Why don’t most boys hold hands? It feels… nice.”

James chuckled. “Good. Good. You’re shaking a little less too. I’ll sit next to you all day if you want. Maybe if we keep you calm we can control the shaking.” He paused smiling gently. “People have dumb ideas of how boys should act, but I don’t want anyone mad at you because you didn’t know something.” 

“So I can hold your hand but no one else’s.” It was then that they heard a throat clearing

behind them.

“I didn’t mean to intrude, but ummm…” Remus blushed an adorable pink. Sirius felt his stomach flutter. “If you needed to hold a hand. I could help too…” He offered.

“You’d want to?” Sirius asked. “After I was rude to you. I’m sorry… I didn’t understand it was rude at the time” Now it was his turn to blush. He hated not understanding things and this boy was the epitome of his confusion. “James is going to help me.”

Remus smiled a heart stopping smile. “Then let me help to. It should be better with two of us.” He took his other hand. “Plus James can tell you. I could give two shits what other people think. I mean I grew up with a huge scar on my face.” He pointed and Sirius’ eyes widened. The scar went from above his eye on the top right across his face down to the bottom left in three streaked lines. They were white and faded now and his eye was unaffected. He had a few extra scars littered around his face as well. Sirius had always just been so distracted by how pretty he was. How he felt when he’d walk into the room? He’d see the first night when he’d been so hungry and Remus had made him a plate. Yes, he’d eaten it begrudgingly but it had made him feel exponentially better that night even if he wouldn’t admit it. To him Remus had just been unbelievably beautiful and kind. That scared Sirius more than words could describe.

“I hadn’t noticed, if I’m being honest. ”   
  


“You hadn’t noticed? The large scar across my entire face?”

“No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was in the hospital and dealing with some mental health issues which is why I've been unable to update. I'm hoping to update regularly again. Additionally I'm hoping to update this chapter and previous ones with some edits adding a bit more detail and some flow so I will tell you all in the notes when that it done. It's taking a bit longer so I wanted to get this chapter up. Love you all. Comments mean the world to me. Love you all thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like it! I'm excited to see what everyone thinks!


End file.
